Waiting to go home for the summer

On Sunday, I had quite a breakdown, because I had to go into the office to hand in an application for the renewal of my passport, and this just seemed like the biggest most adult responsibility in the world, and I felt like a child who just wanted to go home. Feeling completely overwhelmed, I cried to sleep, and then woke up the next day and wrote this. Immediately, I felt 100x better – writing has become therapeutic!

 

I feel far

Far from my parents and how they expected me to be home at nine-thirty

Far from my sister and how she always had the last word

Far from my city that was too hot and too dry and just not young enough

I make a list of why I’m better off here and it’s longer than my life but I never stop feeling far

They are lies

 

They are all lies, and I’m in an elaborate play on a stage that has become my life.

I will dance and laugh and cook and be merry

I will make friends and enemies and forgive and forget

I will excel in classes and fail in mid-terms, but I cannot

 

Walk twenty seconds to the pool where I rescued my cat

Light up candles outside our doorstep to welcome Lakshmi, the goddess of prosperity

Rush to find shade at the beach, scared that the sun will leave a scar.

 

Now I turn my sunflower head towards the overcast sky and pretend

 

Imagine that I dance and laugh and cook and am merry at home

my friends and enemies and memories are being made at home

 

Plenty of time till twenty

Hello DEAR WORLD

Lavanya Huria is turning twenty!!!! the whole world might not be invited to the party, but MY HEART IS FULL so ITS OKAY!

Take two

The first day back had its ups and downs. My classes were alright and I got answers to every question I asked. A little worried about my future already, but who isn’t? We’ll figure it out as we go along, though.

Good things that happened: I looked pretty decent today, had great conversations, found out that I wasn’t being charged interest on school fees (!!!), and got a Christmas present from Anita!!

Things to work on: be less sleepy, unpack, clean room and throw out last semester’s things, make friends and remind yourself of your resolutions.

Should I make a pixel journal? It’s mostly going to be sad, since I am so so so tired and home sick.

Countdown

But not like the fun Beyoncé song, like the scary kind when you are counting down for finals.

I’m trying to tell myself that if I am happy during revision then I’ll be happy in the exam; hopefully, that is a strategy that will pay off. Breakfast was good, but when I came back into my room, I just couldn’t keep my eyes open, so I decided to give myself a little nap before class, and I think it really did help me. I was up all throughout maths, the Econ conference AND Financial Accounting.

I want to be the person who is aware and alert of everything that is happening in my life, but if my eyes are so tired that from an average of 1 blink per 6 seconds I go to 1 blink per second, being alert is extremely hard.

Ayesha went to NYC today, and Vijit, Punya, and Vinya are coming to visit meeeeeeeeeeeeeee tomorrow!!! How exciting!

This evening, I had yummmmmers pasta and went to the Music Library. It was very good, and I felt quite productive. However, I didn’t do thaaaat much work.

Life is moving at the speed of light, and I’ll be home before I know it! Remind me to do laundry tomorrow morning.

Tired

Today was really hard to get through. All day, my eyes were watering. I have no clue why. Perhaps because I was tired, or because I moisturized my face and the stuff went into my eyes.

Great breakfast, top notch. Mommy is feeling better, and I got a postcard from her yesterday!!!! So so sooo cute.

I woke up to no electricity today, and it only got fixed this evening. Sumi and I talked for ages as well today, and it just made me so so happy. Classes were eh, but after econ we spent ages in the library and I explained prbset7 to the group. Made me feel goooood.

Haven’t spoken to Kalpana Bua in so long!

Anjani hates me because I helped Ayesha catch assassinate her.

Things to check off bucket list – Waking up to a Winter Wonderland

It was the most magical experience. I got up and everything was covered in white. People told me that it looked dull and dreary, but I thought quite the contrary. Sure, there wasn’t any sun, but it was so bright.

This morning, the water was super cold, so I stayed in my bed all morning, watching the Sant Nirankari Mission’s conference and doing the Econ assignment. It was so beautiful, and I loved listening to something so pure and spiritually fulfilling in the morning.

Breakfast was bae as well.

We also got our target’s for RVC’s Assassin game; omg the person is going to hate me when I assassin them.

Kept falling asleep in Accounting again. I really need to pass this final!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stayed in the study room all evening. That’s me being really happy at the sky. Do you see those boots? My Mongolia boots. Also, you can’t see it but I tried really hard this morning to match my coat with my lipstick. Oh lordy I have to go to bed, just getting cold looking at all that snow!

Wow! It’s the most wonderful time of the year

This morning was quite slow, lazy day in bed and skyping parents. Called Sudha Bua and Mamaji, and then on the way to brunch, I stopped at Sumi’s room and watched her conference with her. It  was so good! It was as if something clicked in my brain, and I could completely understand what the devotees felt towards their gurus, and I too yearned for the same enlightenment all the people crave for. Thank you, Swami, for bringing Sumi into my life!

I must also thank you for bringing in Dhriti into my life because she has become the person I spend SO much time with. We are basically joined at the hip, even though today I felt like we had finally reached that point of saturation. But I love her so so much!

So after brunch, we went to the library and worked for a while, but I couldn’t really keep my eyes open. While trying to use facebook to wake me up, I saw that Sophie had sent me a Snapchat, and holy moly, it was snowing!!!!!! Dhriti ran to the window to confirm, and we packed up our stuff at lightning speed, only to discover that it wasn’t cold enough for the snow, so it was snowing up high but melting by the time it got to us. A little disappointed, we walked back to RVC and worked some more. It got really dark really quickly.

And then, wait for it, someone told us that it was snowing for real this time, and we ran outside to discover that yes, it was honest to god snowflakes falling out of the sky. Finally! After so so long, we finally got snow! I went a little crazy, as expected, and called Manisha Taiji and Badia and talked to them for ages about the snow.

All four of us, Ayesha, Dhriti, Sumeeta and I had dinner together, and the snow was finally piling up, which meant I had to spend even more time outside. Took some #iconic pictures and Look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow!

Very very happy rn. ❤

And might actually go to bed before midnight! WOw!

Among the stars

Sorry,

I haven’t written in so long, even though so so much has happened! I went to a Lady Gaga dance party (YAY), to an IRC dance party (gross), watched a bunch of things, ate out, spent so much, went shopping. I regret not writing so much, so I have started again.

Today, Dhriti and I went to a Christmas Parade! and it was so magical.

LOl i have so so much work though! 

Sat in Schulich all day, and (: (: was quite successful on Econ actually. Counting down to exams, and just really really cannot afford to waste all this time, yet here we are.

Interstellar was SO GOOD. Oh my lord, best thing I’ve seen. I loved everything about it. I have had more exciting and boring and upsetting days, and it upsets me so much that I was too lazy to write about them!

Wish we could turn back time

These past two days have been so bad. I think I may have hit rock bottom. I got my Financial Acct grade – so bad, and just messed up Calc1 in the worst way possible.

I feel so lost and alone and scared. I hate doubting myself, but I know that I worked so so hard. Obviously not hard enough. When I get my econ grade back, if it’s below 50%, I am dropping to plain majors. Then, Finance just becomes a minor, which is a huge weight off my shoulders, and I can carry on.

If I get over 50%, then hopefully my mood will fix itself.

I am doubting myself because I thought I could do this, I thought I belonged here. But now, I just can’t seem to stop crying. Homesickness hit me really really late. At the worst possible time.

I really hope this was rock bottom, because from now on things can only get better, right?

Got, “rekt”

As predicted, all things that go up must come down, just like my luck. I got called out today for not turning up to the Lady Gaga dance party on Friday night. As if I didn’t already feel bad enough.